Googly

Something interesting … my blog’s dashboard provides me with a list of Internet searches that lead people to my website. Aside from the mysterious person or people who frequently Google my full name, one subject comes up, over and over.

A few months back, I wrote a post titled “Why I can’t cry at movies.” As it would seem, I am not alone in my emotional stuntedness, because out there in interweb land, people are constantly Googling some version of this title: “can’t cry at movies,” “movies don’t make me cry,” “never cry at films,” etc., etc. Which lead them to my site and which lead me to the conclusion that it bothers and concerns others as much as it bothers and concerns me.

Hyper self-consciousness. Feeling a little gray and frozen on the inside. Wanting to relax and opening up but fearing yourself incapable. Maybe these neuroses are more universal than I’d first imagined.

It’s interesting. Relatedly, have you ever started to enter a question into Google and paid attention to the suggested sentence completions that Google’s ever-mysterious algorithms offers up? For example …

“Why can’t I …” fields:

“… own a Canadian?” (Creepy.)

“… we be friends?” (Sad.)

“… hold all these limes?” (Inconsequential.)

Meanwhile, “Does anyone else …” fields:

“… hate Facebook.”

“… feel alone?”

“… have my name?”

Whereas “I am ashamed …” turns up:

“… that women are so simple.”

“… of what I did for a Klondike bar.” (HAHAHA)

“… of myself.” (Yikes.)

There is vast web of loneliness being vomited forth from our collective armies of keyboards, I am beginning to suspect, rivaled only by the ever-growing alphabet soup of nonsense that it floats around in. Wow. That is a gross metaphor, hey? vomit floating around in alphabet soup. Yucky. But seriously! Google has become some type of meta-proxy therapist for a lot of people, it would appear.

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