Overheard in Portland: “Is there anyone else in this line named ‘Apple?’”

Overheard in Safeway, McLoughlin Boulevard

November, 2014 Around 6 p.m.

In light of the late blasts of Gwyneth Paltrow vitriol blowing around the Internet, I was intrigued to recently overhear this conversation between a well-put-together, rather Gwynethy-looking woman and her daughter in the checkout line at Safeway.

Maybe she didn’t get the memo that no one is supposed to aspire to be like Ms. Paltrow anymore? (That is to say: over-proud, haughtily nudist, cold-fishy, partial to naming progeny after produce, complainy and seemingly completely out of touch with her subjects, ahem, fans.) The woman was really rather proud of herself for borrowing Ms. Paltrow’s baby name, and her daughter shared those sentiments, as is evidenced by their obnoxiously compulsive referencing of the little girl’s name in the following conversation:

Daughter, picking up a fruit rollup: “Hey, mom! Look! This says my name: Apple. A-P-P-L-E!”

Mother: “Yes, it does!”

(Moments later)

Mother: “OK, Apple, you need to listen to me. Are you listening? Is there anyone else in this line named Apple?’ I don’t think so! No other Apples! Come on, Apple. Let’s go!”

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