Erin J. Bernard,, weird quiz, swings, snow, winter, playground

Christian college, correctional facility, or both? A short quiz

What’s in a name? Really, maybe, not very much at all.

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Overheard in Portland: “Is there anyone else in this line named ‘Apple?’”

Overheard in Safeway, McLoughlin Boulevard

November, 2014 Around 6 p.m.

In light of the late blasts of Gwyneth Paltrow vitriol blowing around the Internet, I was intrigued to recently overhear this conversation between a well-put-together, rather Gwynethy-looking woman and her daughter in the checkout line at Safeway.

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Spotted around Manhattan: Cheeky Vanity License Plates of Banking Industry Execs

Six-and-a-half years out from tanking the global economy, demanding that foreclosed taxpayers bail the ship, and then threatening to sue the government for offering a bailout at all, America’s Big Banks continue to winge over legal costs, battle regulation of every sort, and dole out spurious bonuses to their Fat Cat Execs.

Disgraceful behavior warrants a bit of satire.

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Something Silly this Way Comes: Four Signs of the Impending Portland-Pocalypse

Photo/Text by Erin J. Bernard

Photo/Text by Erin J. Bernard

First: summer in Portland now lasts till winter. Or is trying its hardest to, at the least. We’re knee-deep in October, and though the leaves are dropping and fattened squirrels are milling about the yard and roof in a mild state of panic, temperatures are still hitting the 80s every few days or so. I’ve been sitting out on my front porch most evenings taking in the balmy air and it feels surreal to think that Halloween is a quick three weeks out.

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A History of Pop Culture Subversion: Nine Food-and-Drink Mascots Who Totally Ruined Your Life

Hey, you! Humanoid American of non-specified ethnicity or gender born between the years of 1980 and 1985!

Are you suffering from a low-grade case of of pre-midlife malaise? Are you currently jobless, newly dumped, or suffering a case of the existential snifflies? Are you beginning to suspect that maybe you’ve totally flunked your own life?


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Overheard in Portland, Traffic Court Edition: “Someone else is drivin’ my car.”

Multnomah County Courthouse, Traffic Court Window | Portland, Oregon

3/6/2014 1:30 p.m.

Can I just say: traffic court in Portland is hee-la-rious! And not just the part where you sit in the actual courtroom and giggle as a credulous judge picks apart the incredibly lame cover stories and alibies and apologies of the citizenry cowering and glowering before him.

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I Saw You

Well, hello, there … Yes, you! I am, in fact talking to you. I know we’ve never met but I just had to stop you a moment to let you know that I did, in fact, see you do that. In case you were wondering.

I saw you talking on your cell phone while driving, which is illegal in the State of Oregon.

I saw you help yourself to a bite of food from your date’s plate when she wasn’t looking.

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