Urban cheese bagels and what is really wrong

So I’m in line at Powell’s Books waiting to order some tea a minute ago and I hear this hipster chick in front of me say to the cashier, “I’ll have an urban cheese bagel with cream cheese on it.”

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My really super-dooper extra special un-boring life, by Erin Bernard, age 13

I was going through a gloriously ginormous bag of notes from junior high and high school just now and I discovered this lovely little speech that I gave to my eighth grade speech class. I wrote it when I was 13 and at the very beginning of my surly phase, which lasted roughly a decade. My favorite parts are where I try to establish social legitimacy by listing off my favorite “cool” bands and radio stations, when I claim to love surfing even though I had never been and still have never been surfing even once, and when I talk about how much I hate NPR, which I now listen to about four hours a day. Gawd.

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